Following Jesus, Part 7: The Cost of Discipleship

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:26)

It is legitimate and biblical to soften this saying of Jesus by interpreting hatred as a lesser love as compared to the disciple's love for Jesus. It is also appropriate to point out that we must hate the world and its values embraced by our unbelieving relatives. However, I think Jesus does mean a bit more than that. It is clear that He does not call His followers to abandon family and not to love our relatives, since Jesus admonishes us to love even our enemy, much more our children and spouse. But He does call us to hate them in the following two ways.

First, hating your family means to be liberated from captivity to the clan, as Barth puts it. Especially in the communal culture of Jesus' day and in much of the world today, one needs to reject the family's expectations of her, the family's pursuit of wealth, status and so on, to follow Jesus. One should not be defined by his community any longer, but by his communion with Christ. Family, or one's desire to marry and have children, should not lead the disciple away from Christ. Bonhoeffer says, "Every man is called separately and must follow alone.”

Second, hating your family means to be able to genuinely love them. Only admitting that one's family is also one's enemy, you will be able to really love them with the kind of love that Christ loves sinners. When I preached this sermon on Sunday, I called my children enemies of God and my enemies. A bit harsh? Maybe. But unless I see them as rebels against God every time they sin, how can I really love them? Once I recognize them as such, I can be forgiving and compassionate, patient and persistent in bringing them up in the faith.

Barth says that "the coming of the kingdom of God means an end of the absolute of family no less than that of possession and fame". Jesus needs to become our primary relationship. When He was at the wedding at Cana, He knew that He would never get married. When He blessed the children who came to Him, He knew He would never have a child of His own. He was willing to reject His mother and brothers for us. He gave up His family in heaven to become your friend. This should be our motivation to follow Jesus alone.