God's Initiative

Part of becoming humble is learning that it is always God's initiative to speak with us. Nouwen writes about it:

"We can close our eyes as tightly as we can and clasp our hands as firmly as possible, but God speaks only when he wants to speak. When we realize this our pressing, pushing, and pulling become quite amusing. Sometimes we act like children who close their eyes and think that they can make the world go away.
After having done everything to make some space for God, it is still God who comes on his own initiative. But we have a promise upon which we base our hope: the promise of his love. So our life can rightly be a waiting in expectation, but waiting patiently and with a smile. Then, indeed, we shall be really surprised and full of joy and gratitude when he comes."

Who Does Jesus Want To Be In His Churches?

The woman said, "I know that the Messiah will come. He is the one we call Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us."
"I am that one," Jesus told her, "and I am speaking to you now." (John 4:25-26)

As I am reading the Gospel of John, I am once more impressed with Jesus. He is commonly found in the company of the sick, the rejected and the forgotten. In this particular instance, Jesus is revealing His identity as the long-expected Messiah to a promiscuous Samaritan woman. He tells her but keeps it from many others. It seems that Jesus really liked hanging out with the marginalized people. This fact raises the question of what kind of people are in our churches. If Jesus chose to be with the broken, the poor and the disenfranchised, why are we trying so hard to attract the middle-upper-class people, the educated and those who have it all together? Sure, they also need Jesus, but why are we giving them the highest priority? By the way, we do that by planting churches in growing, affluent areas as opposed to poor, falling apart neighborhoods. It is not always the case but seems to be a general trend in evangelical circles.

Patience

Patience is really an extension of humility. It is an admision that my timing may not be the best and my judgment that I need something right now may be wrong. Patience is humbly designating someone else to decide when something needs to happen. Like humility, patience is very difficult to cultivate.

Stretching My Hand Against the Lord's Appointed

David also said, "As the LORD lives, surely the LORD will strike him (Saul), or his day will come that he dies, or he will go down into battle and perish. The LORD forbid that I should stretch out my hand against the LORD'S anointed; but now please take the spear that is at his head and the jug of water, and let us go."(1 Samuel 26:10,11)

Here is the second time David has spared Saul's life. Considering that all of David's problems were caused by King Saul, it hardly seems wise for David not to kill him and avoid all the danger, uncertainty and inconvenience. But David did not want to stop his suffering before God decided to do so. He did not think it his place to kill the Lord's chosen king and left it to Him.
This passage reminds me of this place in Matthew's Gospel:

And behold, one of those who were with Jesus reached and drew out his sword, and struck the slave of the high priest and cut off his ear. Then Jesus said to him, "Put your sword back into its place; for all those who take up the sword shall perish by the sword. Or do you think that I cannot appeal to My Father, and He will at once put at My disposal more than twelve legions of angels? How then will the Scriptures be fulfilled, which say that it must happen this way?"(Matthew 26:51-54)

Peter tried stopping Jesus' suffering before it was God's time to end it. Jesus was determined to suffer to the extent decided by the Father. So, be way of application, I think that I am sometimes tempted by an opportunity to end whatever difficult time I may be going through. I should be patient to wait until God Himself ends it. Like He did with David and later with Jesus.

Loving the One Who Suffers

Kierkegaard said that he who himself does not wish to suffer cannot love him who has. We can not love Christ if we do not share in His sufferings and identify with Him in pain, humiliation and sorrow. Neither can we rejoice and participate in His Resurrection if we could not weep while He was on the Cross. Most of us have forgotten that the call to discipleship most definitely means suffering. Lent is a reminder of God's limiting Himself to become the lowliest of men and a chance for us to limit ourselves just a little bit to be closer to Jesus.

David and Goliath

The Philistine said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come to me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. The Philistine also said to David, "Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the sky and the beasts of the field." Then David said to the Philistine, "You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted. "This day the LORD will deliver you up into my hands, and I will strike you down and remove your head from you. And I will give the dead bodies of the army of the Philistines this day to the birds of the sky and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that the LORD does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the LORD'S and He will give you into our hands."(1 Samuel 17:43-47)

This may quite possibly be the coolest dialogue in the Bible. "Am I a dog, that you come to me with sticks?" "You come to with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts..." It is just great.
It is worth mentioning during Lent that David exhibited tremendous confidence in the Lord and remained humble. The Lord was going to defeat Goliath and David simply trusted Him. God prepared David for this battle by giving Him the experience of fighting lions and bears. So, this trust was learned and David's faith proved true in the past.

Mainstream Christianity?

Lately I have been trying to answer this question: Can Christianity be both authentic and mainstream? In other words, can true discipleship happen where there is little opposition and struggle? Maybe, I have been reading Kierkegaard too much. Being counter-cultural seems to be an essential part of being a follower of Jesus. Historically, a case can be made that the Church went into a spiritual decline as soon as it became a dominant faith of a particular society. When becoming a Christian brings social status and material gain, one should hardly expect many people converting simply because of Jesus.

Sinful Lack of Prayer

Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by ceasing to pray for you; but I will instruct you in the good and right way. (1Sa.12:23)

Here Samuel says that he could sin by not praying for Israel. As their spiritual leader, he thought it his responsibility to pray for them. As parents, pastors and people of leadership, we often neglect this priestly function. We sin by not interceding on behalf of the people in our care. It is not only that we should pray for them, we sin if we do not.

Israel's First King

It is interesting that God very openly tells Israel as well as Samuel that it was wrong for Israel to ask for a king. He says that they rejected Him as their King and that it was sinful to ask for a king to be like other nations around them. However, God lets them have a king. More than that, He chooses Saul -- exactly the kind of king Israel wanted. In 1 Samuel 12 God sends rain and thunder to confirm their wickedness of asking for a king and also confirms His commitment to Israel. Samuel encourages Israel to do what is right before God and the Lord promises to take care of His people.

Easy Way Out

So, you figured out that you are really good at something. Good enough that other people notice it. Other people you respect and trust as well as complete strangers. You are good enough at it that it makes you feel accomplished and important. It makes you feel good about yourself. You start thinking you have been given a special gift. It is who you are -- good at this particular thing. It validates you. After a while of being good at something, you realize that you like people's praises too much, that you have let your talent define you a little too much, that you have become proud and selfish. You find yourself doing something really well but for the wrong reason. You may be a great parent but only because you want to be better than other parents. You may be an excellent teacher but only because you love to see yourself toy with people's emotions and show how inadequate their beliefs really are. You may be a great writer but only because you want to hear others tell you that. So, what do you do next? There is a common but easy way out. You quit. You say, "I don't want to do this for my own glory, so I will give it up altogether." You make this big sacrifice for God, so that He gets the glory. Except that He does not get any glory if you quit. The hard thing to do, which I also think is the right thing, is to keep using this gift of yours, do something really well (well enough for others to notice and make you feel really good about yourself), and yet do it for the right reason. Use your gift humbly. Pursue your talent, work on it and become great. Realize God's dreams about you. But do it for Him and don't take any glory for yourself. Oh, it is hard. But so are most worthwhile things in life.

Lord,

Help me avoid pride when I succeed and despair when I fail.
Teach me to be humble and grateful.

Amen

Prayer

This is a selection from today's reading by Henri Nouwen:

"Prayer heals. Not just the answer to prayer. When we give up our competition with God and offer God every part of our heart, holding back nothing at all, we come to know God's love for us and discover how safe we are in His embrace. Once we know again that God has not rejected us, but keeps us close to his heart, we can find again the joy of living, even though God might guide our life in a different direction from our desires."

Isn't it true that in prayer we become peaceful and stop worrying, even though our problems have not been solved? Prayer heals. But only if we give up our competition with God. What a great phrase to describe pride.

It Is the Lord

Then Eli called Samuel and said, "Samuel, my son." And he said, "Here I am." He said, "What is the word that He spoke to you? Please do not hide it from me. May God do so to you, and more also, if you hide anything from me of all the words that He spoke to you." So Samuel told him everything and hid nothing from him. And he said, "It is the LORD; let Him do what seems good to Him."(1 Samuel 3:16-18)

After Samuel was called by God and given a prophetic word, he is afraid to tell it to the old priest Eli. God revealed to Samuel that He has determined to punish Eli's family for the terrible sins his sons had been committing. Finally, Eli persuaded Samuel to tell him the prophecy. Here comes the amazing part. Eli does not get angry with God or Samuel but says, "It is the Lord; let Him do what seems good to Him." Eli was a good priest who could not control his children. But he trusted God. Even in punishment he trusted the Lord. Eli says, 'He is God, after all, and He knows best." That is a whole new level of faith in the wisdom and goodness of God.

Solitude

Perhaps, one of the greatest benefits of giving up TV for Lent is the increased opportunity for solitude. Of course, solitude is a foreign concept in our household inhabited by three little girls. One of them has taken a vow of unceasing talking, it seems. But more time of reflection and quiet brings more interaction with Jesus. I am not one to claim that Jesus is only met in solitude. I have come to realize that some of the more memorable theophanies happen in the midst of action that is quite contrary to contemplation. However, it is undeniably true that Jesus comes to meet his follower one on one. Here are two of my observations. First, I have noticed that I am uncomfortable with being one on one with Jesus. I try to fill my time with many things (if not TV at this time) to not be alone with him. It shows my inhibition to learn things about Jesus or myself that I would rather leave unknown. Perhaps, my whole addiction to entertainment can be explained by that fear. Secondly, I have learned many new things about myself during those encounters. Jesus shows me who I really am and what I could become. It is scary and hopeful all at once. Here is a wonderful quote from Bishop Kallistos Ware: "Who is God? Who am I? To both these questions Jesus Christ gives us the answer." More often than not this answer comes to us in solitude.

Favorite Verse

As I was reading 2 Peter tonight I came across verse 22 in the second chapter which is a quote from Proverbs 26:11. It reminded me of one of my professors at Moody (a closet Lutheran, really). When he was going to be baptized as a young man, his pastor asked him if he wanted to share his "life verse". Luckily for the pastor, he declined. My professor's favorite verse was the same one Peter quoted: "A dog returns to its own vomit."

Suffering

Therefore, those also who suffer according to the will of God shall entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right. (1 Peter 4:19 NASB)

Some may be surprised to find these words written by Peter. It may sound odd to some that suffering is according to God’s will. To be sure, not all suffering is God’s will as Peter explains a bit earlier in the chapter. But he is very clear that God wills suffering. If one suffers as a Christian, she should not be embarrassed or ashamed but rather glorify God. There have been many admirers of Jesus that are content to let Him die on their behalf while finding it preposterous that they themselves should suffer in the slightest degree. There have even been some teachers who have taken suffering off the Christian’s To Do List and added it to the list of The Things To Avoid At All Cost along with poverty and bad haircuts. They have mistaken smiles for joy and arrogance for faith. By removing suffering out of the Christian life they have made it nearly impossible for one to become Christ’s disciple. They have taken Christ off the Cross because they find it awkward to admire a man who suffers. So they will remain His admirers at best but will never become His followers. To follow Jesus is to suffer. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “suffering is the fruit of an exclusive allegiance to Jesus Christ.” Suffering is essentially Christian. There are many benefits to suffering that make a true disciple rejoice and glorify God. One such benefit is that suffering is a sign of authenticity. When we look at something beautiful, like a piece of jewelry, we are likely to doubt its authenticity if there are no scratches or scrapes. If it looks perfect, it may be too perfect to be real. If a Christian has not suffered she may not be a true disciple but only an admirer of Jesus. Scratches, scrapes and scars prove that we are real, that we live and follow Him who was bruised and broken. Those marks do not make a piece of jewelry any less valuable or perfect just like suffering does not make one any less of a Christian. On contrary, such scratches add value to jewelry. If one looks close enough she will see that they are not random scratches but an elaborate engraving made by the hand of a master craftsman.

The Trinity's Child

To God's people who are scattered like foreigners in Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia. God the Father decided to choose you as his people, and his Spirit has made you holy. You have obeyed Jesus Christ and are sprinkled with his blood. (1 Peter 1:1-2 CEV)

With these words Peter starts his letter to the new Christian community. It is one of the more obviously trinitarian passages in Scripture and is here for a good reason. Peter writes about the new people, the new priestly race, the new royal family which is the Church. So, before he talks about this new community, it only makes sense to point to its origin: the Trinity, the Divine Community of Love. The Church is in some way an extension of the interaction among the Divine Persons and is modeled after the Trinity. The Church is the Trinity's child and all Three Persons were involved in her birth.

Conversion

One of our gravest mistakes is assuming that conversion only happens once in a lifetime. To be sure, there is often an identifiable initial conversion -- the time we turn to God for the first time. But it is only one in a great number. Sometimes the first conversion gives us a sense of false security. When faced with a choice between God and self, we promptly remind ourselves that we have already made that decision. Such realization quiets our convicting heart and enables the heart's default setting: love of self. Our existence is a series of choices, all opportunities for conversion. However, if choices are not acknowledged as such they become tiny agents of death and occupy the soul one at a time until the soul is dead and no longer convertable. Those choices, though various in circumstances and intensity, are one. As Didache puts it, "There are two ways, one of life and one of death; and between the two ways there is a great difference". Chose to love God and forsake self, choose humility, choose to love your neighbor, and you come alive. Choose to pity yourself, choose pride, choose to please yourself, and you die. During Lent the choice is more evident than ever. Maybe, that is why Nouwen calls it the forty days of conversion.

Israel, I can't let you go.

When Israel was a child, I loved him, and I called my son out of Egypt. But as the saying goes, "The more they were called, the more they rebelled." They never stopped offering incense and sacrifices to the idols of Baal. I took Israel by the arm and taught them to walk. But they would not admit that I was the one who had healed them. I led them with kindness and with love, not with ropes. I held them close to me; I bent down to feed them. But they trusted Egypt instead of returning to me; now Assyria will rule them. War will visit their cities, and their plans will fail. My people are determined to reject me for a god they think is stronger, but he can't help. Israel, I can't let you go. I can't give you up. How could I possibly destroy you as I did the towns of Admah and Zeboiim? I just can't do it. My feelings for you are much too strong. Israel, I won't lose my temper and destroy you again. I am the Holy God-- not merely some human, and I won't stay angry. I, the LORD, will roar like a lion, and my children will return, trembling from the west. They will come back, fluttering like birds from Egypt or like doves from Assyria. Then I will bring them back to their homes. I, the LORD, have spoken! Israel is deceitful to me, their loyal and holy God; they surround me with lies, and Judah worships other gods. (Hosea 11 CEV)

What a great passage! It is such a powerful metaphor for God's relationship with us. This chapter is full of anguish and despair of a rejected parent and yet it so clearly shows His commitment to His people. He really does loves us like a mother loves her child.

Love Hurts

"Come, let us return to the LORD. For He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He will bandage us. He will revive us after two days; He will raise us up on the third day, that we may live before Him." (Hosea 6:1,2)

The book of Hosea is both a very depressing and an immensely uplifting book. It shows God's boundless love towards His people like that of a husband who keeps taking his unfaithful wife back again and again. But His love is only as deep as our rejection of it is remiss. We flippantly ignore His loving words and sacrifices He has made for us. We leave at night only to return in the morning sick and exhausted. We take it for granted that He will be there waiting for us and will drop everything to clean us up, undress us and put us to bed. And so His love deepens with every such return. However, God's love has another mind-boggling expression, one that we often do not want to associate with love. It is precisely because He loves us that He is willing to hurt us. He will inflict pain on us (and on Himself in the process) to heal us, to make us whole, so that we may stay in His presence and not just occasionally return to Him. It is as much if not more of an expression of God's love as His continuous forgiveness and patience. He loves us enough that He is willing to hurt us. A.W. Tozer made a profound, albeit a very disturbing, statement: "It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply”. It is paradoxical but so is God and most of our faith.

Joy

Mercy

The LORD God has told us what is right and what he demands: "See that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God." (Micah 6:8 CEV)

As I learn about humility and seek to humble myself before God during Lent, concepts like compassion and mercy seem to come up a lot. Yeah, I have always thought compassion is a Christian thing and mercy is a virtue. But why is it so unnatural for me to be concerned about others? Why is so hard to even imagine that mercy might become my first concern? Yet, God is really into mercy and compassion. He really wants me to "love mercy" (NIV) as I walk humbly before Him. Mercy seems to be a necessary byproduct of humility. Or, is humility just a prerequisite of mercy? So, if I am not compassionate and mercy is not my first concern, I am not that far along in my spiritual journey. If I am really being transformed by the Spirit into the Son's image, than I should pick up on some of those Divine traits. Micah 7:18 says that God is glad to have pity (CEV) or delights to show mercy (NIV). Lord, change me into a person who delights to show mercy.

The Memory of God's Abundant Goodness

They shall eagerly utter the memory of Your abundant goodness and will shout joyfully of Your righteousness. (Ps.145:7)

As I was preparing to speak at one of our supporting churches, I found this verse in a psalm. I am reminded again of the importance of spiritual memory. We need to remember and tell others (like our children) of God's interventions, blessings and even miracles. When we come to the next trial it is good to remember that God saw us through the previous one. God told the Israelites to gather a pile of stones to remind them of the miraculous crossing of Jordan. Jesus told us to eat bread and drink wine in rememberance of Him. We are forgetful people and God knows that we need reminders. Lord, let us keep and proclaim the memory of Your abundant goodness.

Followers

"Christ comes to the world as the example, constantly enjoining: Imitate me. We humans prefer to adore him instead." (Soren Kierkegaard)

Kierkegaard draws a clear distinction between followers and admirers of Christ. It seems that for him true discipleship means imitation of Christ's life while common admiration is nothing but an adherence to Jesus' teachings without conforming one's life to them. He gives an example of an audience at a theatrical performance admiring a particular actor from the safety and comfort of their seats. It seems to me that it takes much more than one's resolve to become a true disciple of Jesus. It must take a Divine intrusion into our nature to turn admirers into followers. To be more specific, the Holy Spirit must transform us into true disciples of the Man or Sorrows. So, here is my prayer.

Jesus,

It is easy for me to admire You from afar.
It is only natural for me to adore you from a safe distance.
But I do not want to remain Your admirer. I want to be like You in Your suffering and Your victory alike. I want to respond to Your call to true discipleship and embrace risk, sacrifice and pain. I humbly ask Your Holy Spirit to transform me from an admirer into a follower.

Amen

Rewarding Humility

Humility as a condition of one's heart and its expression in service to others are not heavy burdens. The way of imitation of our Lord is one of joy and fulfillment. Here lies one of the greatest paradoxes of our faith: by giving we receive, by becoming poor we obtain riches, by becoming humble we are exalted. As Nouwen points out in today's Lenten reading, a life of service is rewarding. He says,

"Joy and gratitude are the qualities of the heart by which we recognize those who are committed to a life of service in the path of Jesus Christ.... Wherever we see real service we also see joy, because in the midst of service a divine presence becomes visible and a gift is offered. Therefore, those who serve as followers of Jesus discover that they are receiving more than they are giving. Just as a mother does not need to be rewarded for the attention she pays to her child because her child is her joy, so those who serve their neighbor will find their reward in the people whom they serve. The joy of those who follow the Lord on his self-emptying and humbling way shows that what they seek is not misery and pain but the God whose compassion they have felt in their own lives: their eyes do not focus on poverty and misery, but on the face of the loving."

Raya's Prayers

Here is an incredible example of faith and perseverance in prayer from our friend Raya. She and her husband have been caring for and trying to adopt two little babies abandoned by their mother in a Kiev hospital. Raya has checked into the hospital herself to stay with Vera (Faith in English) and make sure she receives adequate attention after her surgery. She is in the room with three or four other rejected babies. One family decided not to keep their newborn because of some medical concerns including a spinal hernia. The father said he would divorce his wife if she did not give up the baby. For several days Raya prayed for the parents to change their minds and come visit their child. Finally, the mother came. She decided to keep her little girl whatever it may mean for her marriage. So, it looks like Raya prayed that baby right into her mother’s arms. God does listen and He can change a mother’s heart.

Compassion

As Christians focus on humility during Lent, they are drawn to emulate Jesus whose humility is perhaps most striking in the manger and on the cross. Both the Incarnation and the Crucifixion of our Lord stand as supreme examples of humility. Both inspire us to stoop lower, to give more and to not grasp what we think we are entitled to hold. Underlying both of the above manifestations of utter Divine humility is unreserved Divine compassion. Jesus became human because He loved us enough to want to share in our pain. He trampled death by death and gave us life that we desired but could not obtain. As we emulate His humility we must emulate His compassion. Here is what Nouwen says about compassion in today's reading:

"Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human..."

King of Righteousness and Peace

In the 7th chapter of Hebrews, Jesus is compared to Melchizedek and called king of righteousness and king of peace. What a combination! He is king, in control, ruling over His creation. He is the kind of king who can bring about peace but does that by setting things right, by establishing justice and order.

Strong and Weak

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16)

This must be one of the most profound and beautiful passages in Scripture. I have come back to these verses over and over again and been encouraged and strengthened by their meaning. God is powerful enough to give us mercy and grace in the very moment we need it the most. He is strong enough to help us not give up but persevere and overcome doubt and struggle with sin. However, God is not only strong but He has become weak. Jesus, the God-Man, our high priest, has been tempted in all things and struggled with things we struggle with. In His assumed weakness He understands us. He identifies with us in the deepest possible way since He became one of us. We can never say to God, “You just don’t understand what I am going through” or “You can’t imagine how hard it is”. Jesus understands what I am going through and He knows how hard it is because He became weak like me. He gets me.
So, I draw near with confidence to the throne of the God who is both strong and weak. He is merciful and gracious. He welcomes me in my time of need.

Gillian's Birthday

Today is Gillian’s birthday. Happy Birthday, buddy!
Sometimes I think how naive we are expecting to find someone to love and be loved back. And if that is not ridiculous enough, we also think this loving/loving back exchange can last a pretty long while. We take it for granted that someone might like us enough to want to be around us most of the time. Some of us may even harbor the notion that we are entitled to being loved by another human being. How silly is it to think that you can be completely open with someone and not get rejected! How strange is the idea of being so close with another person that I am no longer I but have become part of we! And yet, I love someone and she loves me back. I may not be as excited about birthday parties (in fact, today I have realized that Gillian thinks I am utterly incapable of throwing a surprise birthday party), but I am really excited about Gillian. The day of your birth is worth celebrating. Oh, yeah, the kids are pretty thrilled about your existence, too.

TV

I am enjoying a TV-free life. I have had a number of periods of time in my life when I did not watch any television and like before I am amazed how big of a difference it makes. It is not just that I have more time, although it is true. It also brings some sort of peace. I am more likely to do certain things now. For example, I took a bath a couple of nights ago. While it may not be the manliest thing to do but it is in line with a peaceful, contemlative lifestyle. Desribing the discipline of contemplation someone suggested that one should take a bath for God. The idea is that we need to do simple, peaceful things with God in mind and for His glory. Incidently, I did have a peaceful time of prayer and listening to God in the bath and am not embarassed by it. I doubt it could happen while watching Law & Order:SVU. At least, not to me.